The Trials of Kari Voss

Kari Voss: Heya boys
Dougo Davis: 'allo love
Kari Voss: *she puts one hand on her waist and cocks her hip jauntily*
Kari Voss: Something I can do fer ya?
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Zdravstvuytye. I am Pavel Nikolayevich..." he pauses. "Steward of Threshold, and this is Dougo of Threshold militsiya."
Pavel Kuznetsov: "We need to speak with you about an incident that occurred earlier."
Kari Voss: right. I know you lot. yer the law in these parts, eh?
Kari Voss: *She smirks cheekily*
Dougo Davis: i guess ye could say tha'
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Unfortunately, da, we are what passes for law here."
Kari Voss: I'm always happy to help the conner wif 'er enquiries
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Follow us to somewhere more private, pozhaluysta."
Kari Voss: *Nods*
Kari Voss: oi
Kari Voss: He talk funny
Dougo Davis: aye.. ye get used to it
Kari Voss: There somethin wrong wiv his brain?
Dougo Davis: some weird traddy thing he 'as goin' on
Kari Voss: *She shrugs non-committally*
Kari Voss: Whatever that is
Dougo Davis: c'mon lass, let's not keep 'em waitin'
Kari Voss: *Nods*
Dougo Davis: *leans back comfortably*
Pavel Kuznetsov: Pavel slips his helmet off and places it on the table. He then gestures to the seat nearby.
Kari Voss: *she smirks cheekily* Now what's going on? If this about my tab at the serpent, I swear I cin cover that, hey?
Pavel Kuznetsov: "I think between us both we keep Serpent operating."
Kari Voss: Aye, paradise on Mystara, that place
Kari Voss: So what's up, chief?
Pavel Kuznetsov: He produces a small, well-worn notebook from his tunic and places it on the desk. He opens it to a half-filled page and prepares to write. "I just want to ask a few questions about an incident between you and Cherniy Orlov priestess, Zoya, recently."
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Do you know what I refer to?"
Kari Voss: Threshold got some public decency law you wanna tell me - eh?
Kari Voss: Not followin' the Cherny Orley bit, no
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Uh," he looks at Dougo.
Kari Voss: I know a girl named Cherry
Kari Voss: She a right fun time
Dougo Davis: *shrugs*
Kari Voss: Oh, like, them Eagle types
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Da."
Kari Voss: Sure, sure. I seen em about
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Do you remember an incident you were involved in with them, maybe yesterday?"
Dougo Davis: aye, ye ain't in trouble lass
Dougo Davis: an' ain't nuffin ye can do wrong in verge, it be paradise
Kari Voss: *she smirks* Have ter refresh me memory, chief, been a lot of incidents, y'know
Kari Voss: I'm... watchoocallit? A walkin' indecent, don'tcherknow
Kari Voss: Well, so the last lot o conners tried ter tell me
Kari Voss: *She smirks cheekily*
Pavel Kuznetsov: "You are not in trouble, nyet. We are just trying to understand something that happened."
Pavel Kuznetsov: "I was informed that you were overwhelmed by goblins, and a Darq priestess went to assist you, but accidentally struck you. Do you recall that?"
Dougo Davis: *clears throat* sorry mate, got carried away there
Pavel Kuznetsov: Though not startled, he looks up at Dougo and raises a hand. "Dougo," he gestures to the seat.
Pavel Kuznetsov: "From beginning of incident, tell us what happened."
Pavel Kuznetsov: Pavel leans forward, preparing to write in his notebook.
Kari Voss: So, it were a warm day, which were unusual fer this time o' year
Kari Voss: Not that it dont get hot, y'know
Dougo Davis: GET YO THA' POINT OR I'LL PUT YER IN CHAINS! *bangs his fist on the table again*
Kari Voss: But I'm from Soderfjord, an- eeesh alright
Pavel Kuznetsov: Pavel grimaces slightly as the table bashing causes his notebook to bounce. "Dougo, sit."
Kari Voss: Can tell you aint one to mess wiv, chief. No sir
Kari Voss: I wus just tryin' ter set the scene, I was
Kari Voss: Very important, th' details, eh?
Dougo Davis: *zones back into the conversation, then bangs the table again* GIVE US THE ANSWERS!
Dougo Davis drinks.
Dougo Davis: *Burp*
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Da, details important. Just tell us what happened, pozhaluysta." Pavel now seems to be openly ignoring Dougo.
Kari Voss: *she leans forward and puts her elbows on the table, displaying a large amount of cleavage* Sure, sure, but are y' suyre you don't wanna, like, force me?
Kari Voss: *she bats her eyes lustily*
Kari Voss: Yer a right forceful man, I cin see that, I cin
Kari Voss: I appreciate a man who's in charge, I do
Kari Voss: *she winks saucily*
Dougo Davis: *looks at pavel* can i be in charge on this one?
Kari Voss: *nods animatedly*
Pavel Kuznetsov: He looks between the two.
Pavel Kuznetsov: The Traladaran raises his hands and rests his forehead on them.
Dougo Davis: what is it boy?
Kavar Swiftblade: He has gone to die in the tepes!
Pavel Kuznetsov: He looks up as the door opens.
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Who?"
Kavar Swiftblade: Julien
Kavar Swiftblade: Where is Verity?
Pavel Kuznetsov: "She should be in town."
Kavar Swiftblade: *frowns*
Dougo Davis: That the fella i givin' shit to b'fore?
Dougo Davis: he ain't gotta go kill 'emself over it
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Probably."
Kavar Swiftblade: I know you two are at odds currently but surely you used to be friends?
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Nyet, I was not."
Kavar Swiftblade: *frowns* Fine.
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Dougo, go and get Sully and track him down."
Dougo Davis drinks.
Dougo Davis: *Burp*
Dougo Davis: 's okay
Kari Voss: *she pouts* awww, we were just getting to the fun bit
Dougo Davis: uncle dougo has it
Pavel Kuznetsov: "A moment."
Pavel Kuznetsov: Pavel closes the door and slides a small locking latch across.
Kari Voss: oooh, a little privacy
Kari Voss: *She smirks cheekily*
Kari Voss: Now we're talkin
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Mmh," he raises his eyebrows suggestively and closes his notebook. He leans forward, resting his forearm across it. "What is your name?"
Kari Voss: Kari
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Family name?"
Kari Voss: Voss
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Kari," he says with an unusual amount of pleasantness for a Traladaran. "Tell me..."
Kari Voss: *listens attentively*
Pavel Kuznetsov: "What have you been doing of late?"
Kari Voss: Oh, mostly pickin' up trash, wiv a sideline o' bounty huntin
Kari Voss: I mean, fer coin
Pavel Kuznetsov: "And where have you spent majority of this time?"
Kari Voss: Well, I guess th' woods
Kari Voss: Iffen you don't count my time at th' serpent
Kari Voss: Which has ter be a close second, eh?
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Nyet, I have probably seen you there before," he says as a thoughtful look briefly crosses his features. "You are a priestess, I am told?"
Kari Voss: Ah, well, an acolyte.
Kari Voss: I heard o' a temple of Valerias in th' area, and caught the caravan in from Darokin
Pavel Kuznetsov: "An acolyte of Valerias?"
Kari Voss: *she smiles* Aye, what gave me away?
Kari Voss: Was it the pink vestments?
Kari Voss: It's usually the pink vestments
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Lucky guess." He returns a smile.
Kari Voss: *Snickers in amusement*
Kari Voss: Oh, lots o' times
Kari Voss: There's the one wiv the red robes an' the stick
Kari Voss: And th' one wiv th' creepy skull helmer
Kari Voss: an the priestess, o' course
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Mmh. And how many times have you spoken with priestess?"
Kari Voss: Oh not more n' two, three times
Pavel Kuznetsov: "How many times has there been violence towards you?"
Kari Voss: *she leans back in her chair, getting more comfortable*
Kari Voss: Violence?
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Mmh."
Kari Voss: Well, them goblins pretty violent, let me tell you
Kari Voss: Pretty much every minute I'm out there, one o' them tries ter take me head off
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Between you and priestess, specifically."
Kari Voss: Oh, right
Kari Voss: Jus' the once, that I cin recall offhand
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Tell me about what happened there."
Kari Voss: Oh, well, it were just after th' cobber'n I took down ther ant nest
Kari Voss: We come up the forest, like, ter do a bit of work fer the ranger
Kari Voss: And I got straight ter cleanin', like, 'cause the pay aint bad, y'know
Pavel Kuznetsov: He gives an understanding nod.
Kari Voss: But th' cobber, he's standin' round like an eegit, tol me he wer lookin out fer me
Kari Voss: Which, y'know, I figured meant he were just enjoyin th' free show
Kari Voss: But him jus' bein there stirred up the gobbos sumfin fierce
Kari Voss: I had ter fight twice as hard, y'know
Kari Voss: Anyway, I'm workin for a while, then come along yer girl
Kari Voss: Introduced herself as Darq Zoya. Seemed reel friendly at first, eh? Kinda polite.
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Mmh."
Kari Voss: But cobber, he pulled me aside, inter this here station, tol' me them eagles kilt his family up
Kari Voss: His mother, father, an little sister all
Kari Voss: Well, that were a shock, let me tell yer
Pavel Kuznetsov: The Traladaran man nods in response, but remains silent as he listens intently.
Kari Voss: Anyway, I figures, can't watch every boilin pot, y'know
Kari Voss: There priestesses of Valerias I wouldn't touch wiv a eleven foot pole if yer take my drift
Kari Voss: So I figure, aint cost nothin ter be polite
Kari Voss: An maybe she aint kilt noones sister or nuffin, y'know
Kari Voss: So, anyway, I went back out, iterduced meself
Kari Voss: It were pretty civil
Kari Voss: I ain't heard much o' th' dark lord
Pavel Kuznetsov: "It is a relatively minor deity in grand scheme of things."
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Nothing compared to Valerias, I am sure," he says, gesturing to Kari.
Kari Voss: Aye, maybe I heard the name on a list somewhere, priestess tellin' us to mind out fer those immortals
Kari Voss: But anyway, like I said, we was civil.
Kari Voss: She give me her name, I gave her mine, like that, y'know?
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Da, as is polite thing to do."
Kari Voss: *nods*
Kari Voss: Oh, yeah, I forgot
Kari Voss: Kinda important
Kari Voss: My badger
Kari Voss: Dumb little thing
Kari Voss: Thought she wer a goblin or sommat
Kari Voss: But she busted it up good, and I unsummoned what was left
Pavel Kuznetsov: "What did she say about that?"
Kari Voss: Then I apologised, y'know, and she were all kinds of snippy
Kari Voss: But she didn't sound too upset or nuffin
Kari Voss: She said, an' I remember this, cause I thought it were funny
Kari Voss: she said "Creature control may save lives."
Kari Voss: Right? Like she readin' lines in a play as the villain or sommat
Kari Voss: *Snickers in amusement*
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Cherniy Orlov are like that, unfortunately."
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Overly dramatic."
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Their seat of power is called 'Fort Doom' after all."
Kari Voss: Yeah, anywhoo, was about that time when a million or so goblins came round th' corner
Kari Voss: And they all crash into th' red woman
Kari Voss: All fighten, and screamin' bloody murder
Kari Voss: So, I did th' neighbourly thing, an' I tried ter beat in th' skull of th' shaman in th' bunch
Pavel Kuznetsov: He make a face as if to say 'yeah, fair enough'.
Kari Voss: From behind, like. *she smirks suggestively* Just the way I like to do it, eh?
Kari Voss: Anyway, this red lady, she do this thing like Cobber do.
Kari Voss: She swing her big hammer 'round
Kari Voss: and Pow, Pow, Pow! she smack in a bunch o' skulls at once
Kari Voss: O' course, one o' the skulls jus' happened to be mine
Kari Voss: So I'm dead, right.
Pavel Kuznetsov: The man furrows his brow slightly.
Kari Voss: Like, I cin feel Valerias snugglin me to her heavenly bosom, eh?
Kari Voss: And it's pretty warm an nice an all
Kari Voss: An then I feel- well like, a cold magic tryin ter tear me away from me goddess, right?
Kari Voss: But Valerias is there, like, and she wraps her arms around my soul
Kari Voss: Awww man, it was the most amazin' feelin
Pavel Kuznetsov: A small, genuine smile creeps across the man's face.
Kari Voss: Anyway, so I wake up, an' th' red woman, she standin' over me. An all my stuff's on the ground, like
Kari Voss: And I could tell, like, she just used her magic ter bring me back
Kari Voss: But I don' feel sick, or sore, or anythin' like when those stuck-up Cassannite prigs do it, eh?
Kari Voss: And I know that were the touch o' Valerias
Kari Voss: So, anyway, fer me it was a nice warm snuggly vacation ter heaven
Pavel Kuznetsov: "And what did Zoya say after that?"
Kari Voss: And the Darq, well, she ain't exactly apologisin', But she told me she aint intented ter take me head off like that, y'know
Kari Voss: And I was all like "Well, no worries, eh?" but I was thinkin' more like, "aw heck, cin I go again?"
Pavel Kuznetsov: "In your opinion, what caused goblins to swarm over?"
Kari Voss: Not that I were, like, presumin' Valerias would save me a second time, eh? But a girl cin dream.
Kari Voss: Well, that were easy. They wuz followin cobber. He had em right riled up too
Kari Voss: An' after, Cobber was all like "she assaulted you"
Pavel Kuznetsov: "And where did he go after they swarmed?"
Kari Voss: Honestly, I lost track o' him a bit, while I wuz dead
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Was he there when you were revived?"
Kari Voss: But uh, when I got back up again, yeah, he was there
Kari Voss: Prattlin on like he don't realise a battlefield's a nasty place, eh?
Kari Voss: Anway, Darq Zoya, her of the pronouncements, she tol me - and here's th' funny bit
Pavel Kuznetsov: He tilts his head slightly.
Kari Voss: She tol' me to go talk to some chick in thigh-highs
Kari Voss: About cobber
Kari Voss: y'know, if he gave me any trouble, eh
Kari Voss: Anyway, th' story, it don't end there
Kari Voss: An' like, I know yer thinking "cripes, shut up, Kari"
Kari Voss: But I promise, we're nearly at th' end
Pavel Kuznetsov: A short snort of laughter escapes him.
Kari Voss: Sos, the red lady, she's got me up, she gives me her advice
Kari Voss: Which, like, no offense, but I aint gunna rat on any ... *she freezes*
Kari Voss: Oh... Oh yer good, you are!
Pavel Kuznetsov: He smiles but says nothing.
Kari Voss: *she looks Pavel up an down* Hey th' immortals musta given you an extra helpin' o' the sneakies when they put yer together
Kari Voss: *she sighs*
Pavel Kuznetsov: The Traladaran lazily waves his hand, gesturing for her to continue, as the smile slowly fades to a knowing smirk.
Kari Voss: Anyway, so we're standin' about, and all of a sudden, a puppy appears!
Kari Voss: Cutest lil thing
Kari Voss: Like, just tiny
Kari Voss: With little perfectly ordinary glowing eyes
Kari Voss: So, I'm looking at the dog, and it's borking it's cute little borq at us...
Kari Voss: And then a massive boar comes from behind me, and freaking guts me!
Kari Voss: Like, blood everywhere! I'm dyin, layin on the floor. An' I'm like, screamin' clutchin' me guts, like actually yellin' "Help me" and stuff
Pavel Kuznetsov: "I am noticing a trend of you being taken from behind," he says off-handedly.
Kari Voss: *She smirks cheekily*
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Izvini." He gestures for her to continue.
Kari Voss: Aye well, like I said, from behind's a good way to do it. Or in front, really. Or, well, there's this book of Valerias that describes a couple o' sideways ways
Pavel Kuznetsov: "There is also another book I think you will be interested in, but more on that later."
Kari Voss: An' I can't never seem ter find someone athletic enough ter really, like hold that position
Kari Voss: *she shakes her head sadly* one day
Kari Voss: Where was I?
Pavel Kuznetsov: "You were dying."
Kari Voss: Oh right, I'm dying
Kari Voss: Like, not gone, but really, it's all fadin to black
Kari Voss: An' what do I see? flippin cobber, standin' over me like a sack o' wet ash
Kari Voss: Flippin useless as the handle on a shrive, y'know?
Kari Voss: Like, he musta heard me beggin fer help
Kari Voss: An, this is, like, right next ter the door to this here cabin
Kari Voss: an' the red lady, she all the way on th' other saide of th' rock, like
Kari Voss: So she come all the way over the road, an she cast some healin' magic on me
Kari Voss: o' course, by that time, I was so far gone, it took her a second spell jus ter get me up on my feet
Kari Voss: an the little dog, he borqin away
Kari Voss: An another eagle, skullface, he showed up
Kari Voss: And cobber standin' there like a useless... thing what has no use
Kari Voss: So, uh, honestly, like, fool me twice, shame on you, but, like, fool me a third time, an shame on me, right?
Kari Voss: By which I mean I thought they was mad ter keep talkin in what wuz obviously a deathtrap
Kari Voss: So I scarpered back ter town
Pavel Kuznetsov: "What does this 'cobber' look like?"
Kari Voss: Oh, roight
Kari Voss: Dresses in purple, calls hisself Rolo
Kari Voss: Big tower shield
Kari Voss: Stupid beard
Kari Voss: like that
Pavel Kuznetsov: He nods slightly.
Kari Voss: *she crosses her hands in front of her on the table*
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Spasiba, Kari. Is there anything else you want to add?"
Kari Voss: So, yer ain't gunna, like, abuse yer authority even a teeny little bit? *she arches her back, thrusting out her chest* I promise not ter report it
Kari Voss: *she pouts lustily*
Kari Voss: There a nice bed, like, right there, even
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Nyet," he says plainly as he packs his notebook away from the tabletop. "But I will refer you to militsiya member Dougo for any further questioning."
Kari Voss: *gestures towards the bedroom*
Kari Voss: *she sighs* oh, alright
Kari Voss: I cin take a hint
Kari Voss: *she relaxes* Aint nuffin wrong wiv you likin' men y'know. Quite like 'em myself, in fact.
Pavel Kuznetsov: "If I have any more questions I will have Dougo seek you out. He may choose to 'interrogate' you."
Pavel Kuznetsov: Pavel rises from his seat.
Kari Voss: *she nods*
Kari Voss: Well, at least that's sumfin
Pavel Kuznetsov: He offers a small shrug in response.
Kari Voss: *she smiles cheekily*
Pavel Kuznetsov: "I do not judge one way or another."
Kari Voss: Well, nice chattin to yer anway, chief
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Da, ochen priyatno."
Pavel Kuznetsov: "Spasiba for your time, Kari."